My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
