I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
