You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
