i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
