you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
