okay pat passed out under dana's car
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
