Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
