So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
