Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
