should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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