and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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