i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think a kid would responsible me up
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
