Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
