Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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