This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
