hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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