I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
