I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
