$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
only you would photoshop your dick
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize