my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
