I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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