I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dignity is for republicans.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
