It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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