okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
