you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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