Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
