ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
