It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
