My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
