i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
