I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
