i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
