I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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