I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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