i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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