This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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