All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Come see our sink grown plant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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