hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
