i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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