i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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