she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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