I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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