he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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