a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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