I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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