so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
