I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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