If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
