The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
