I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
