bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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